if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
