just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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