While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
