Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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