He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
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Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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