I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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