There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
