If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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