He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize