I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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