The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
