What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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