I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
