i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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