I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
