Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...