No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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