I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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