Non-Jews are for practice
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
