I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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