His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
