You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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