Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Randomize
