Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
