What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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