STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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