can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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