She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
