I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
