Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize