haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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