he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize