Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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