so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
