There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
