My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
