Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
