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why didn't you poke me back
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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