every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
