After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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