I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
