Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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