Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
