according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
