I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
