guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
