Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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