Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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