We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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