i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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