Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
