Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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