I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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