I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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