Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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