$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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