I hate all girls vehemently.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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