I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
