Do you still have your period?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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