I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
