i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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